15.The One with the Stoned Guy

Season:1 Episode:15 First Aired:2/16/1995 Prod Code: 456663

Guide
Monica cooks a gourmet meal for a restaurateur looking for a new chef. Unfortunately, he's stoned and would just as well eat taco shells as her haute cuisine. After working as a data processing permanent temp for five years, Chandler gets promoted to data processing supervisor, then quits. And Ross has a date with a beautiful colleague named Celia and gives new meaning to the term "spanking the monkey," when he brings her back to his place to meet Marcel. Celia wants to meet his pee-pee, but only if he'll talk dirty to her.

Summary
Chandler is at his job, typing data into a computer. An elderly female co-worker walks by, it is Mrs. Tedlock. She tells him to stop by Mr. Kostelick's office at the end of the day. He gulps.
At Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe excitedly runs in to inform the gang that Chandler is coming with good news. He tells the group that he got a promotion to Processing Supervisor, so he quit.
The group wonders why he quit. Chandler tells them the job he originally had was supposed to be only temporary, but lasted 5 years. For him, the promotion meant admitting he liked the job. So he is without a job and has no clue as to what his next move will be.
Phoebe tells Chandler that her massage client Steve is opening up a restaurant and is looking for a head chef.
She is totally oblivious to the fact that Monica is the one with the chef hat. She tells Monica that Chandler needs this more than she does. Chandler declines on the basis that he doesn't have "much cheffing experience."
Monica is excited, this is what she wants to be, a head chef, someone who creates her own menu.
Chandler walks in to Monica's place, wearing a suit. He has a meeting with a career counsellor to help him find his dream job.
Monica enters, excited. Her interview went great. The next step is to make a dinner for him and he wants Phoebe to be there. Phoebe tells Monica she has the perfect menu, "Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff?"
Ross asks if anyone knows a good "date place" nearby. He has a date with Celia, the curator of insects at the museum. Rachel asks what his plans are: He tells her to go out for dinner, take her back to his place & maybe "introduce her to my monkey." Joey takes Ross aside and makes gestures with his hand, back & forth, and Ross hopes for that.
At Ross' apartment, Marcel hangs from Celia's hair as she screams to get him off. Ross takes Marcel away.
Monica's apartment, everyone’s present except Ross & Chandler. She is making food & having the gang test it out. Chandler angrily kicks open the door, his clothes askew, he looks tired. He found out after nearly 9 hours of testing, that his ideal career is one in "data processing for a large multi-national corporation." Exactly the job he quit.
Monica answers the phone. She got a waitress at her work to help her serve the food to Steve for ten dollars an hour.
Rachel's hurt, because she's a waitress and wasn't thought of first. Monica tells her she needed a "professional waitress" for the special event, which hurts Rachel even more.
Back at Ross' place, he and Celia are making out passionately while "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon" plays in the background. She tells Ross to talk dirty to her. He gets embarrassed and becomes panicked and "vulva" is the first thing that comes out.
The following day, Ross goes over to Joey's to discuss what happened. Joey can't believe he said vulva. He tells Joey he can't dirty-talk. Joey tells him he can as long as he practices. He helps Ross out by telling him "tell me you want to caress my butt!" Ross tells Joey to turn around so he won't be staring at him.
Once Joey turns around, Ross is able to get into character better. At this moment, Chandler walks through the door. Ross & Joey both have their backs to him so they don't know he's there, quietly watching. Chandler is completely astounded when he hears Ross dirty talking to Joey.
Chandler leans against the wall, causing a thud. Ross & Joey hear it; they slowly stop and very slowly turn around to see Chandler watching them with a big smile on his face.
Joey picks up the ringing phone, it's Chandler's former boss. Chandler takes the phone. His boss is trying to get him to come back by offering a higher salary but Chandler denies it, causing the boss to think he is playing hardball. But his boss keeps giving him higher salaries until Chandler can't take it anymore and accepts.
At Chandler's work, he shows Phoebe around his new office with a view of the City. He tells her to sit down in his chair as he presses his intercom to ask his secretary Helen to come in. She comes in, with a bemused look on her face and tells her that's all and promises to stop doing that to her.
At Monica's, she is on the phone while Rachel walks in & overhears the conversation. Monica is yelling at Wendy who squelched on their deal. Now she has no waitress. Rachel, still hurt, says "that's too bad" before walking toward the door. Monica offers twelve dollars an hour. Rachel still doesn't accept. Monica, desperate, offers 20 an hour, and Rachel takes it.
Later on, Monica is cooking while Rachel waitresses. Phoebe walks in with Steve. Phoebe overemphasises how great everything smells until Monica signals to stop. Monica takes Steve on a tour of her place.
Phoebe & Rachel are in the kitchen; Rachel sees that Phoebe is a little agitated because Steve smoked a joint on the way over.
Monica has Steve sit down as she brings over her first course, pot-shrimp ravioli with cilantro fondue sauce. Steve eats the first course before she is able to finish her garnish list.
Steve gets up from the table and enters the kitchen. Rachel asks if she can help him & he tells her that he forgot and goes to sit back down.
Rachel attempts to get Monica's attention to let her know that Steve is stoned by pretending to take a drag. Monica thinks she is giving her the "OK" sign. Rachel tries it again, this time adding a deep inhale. Monica just waves her off.
Steve looks through the cabinets, buzzed and wanting something to munch on. He grabs a box of sugary cereal before seeing a box of Macaroni & Cheese and getting excited. He drops the box on the floor & when he goes to pick it up, he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.
He sits down & tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears but Monica goes over to confiscate them. She grabs the package & it breaks open causing Gummi-bears to fly everywhere. Monica is furious at his behaviour and cancels dinner.
At Central Perk, all are there except Chandler. The group tries to comfort Monica, telling her she wouldn't want to work for him anyway. But she is still bummed, thinking this was her big break.
Joey asks Ross how things went with Celia. He tells Joey he was the "James Michener of dirty talk." Joey makes gestures with his hand, to see if they had sex. No. Ross said after all the dirty talking, he was too tired and it was late, so they cuddled instead.
At Phoebe's massage parlour, Steve is on the table. She is mad at him, so she gives him an extra-painful massage. But it isn't hurting him at all. So she starts to use her elbows on his back, and he yells with pain.

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